Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Books, Books


Hi, Friends--

I'm looking for some books to read when I'm not feeling well.

The books cannot be about anything super sad (like infertility or murder). Also, they neeed to be light and fluffy but not smutty. Oh, and they can't be about food. (*Whew* I'm picky, picky, picky.)

If you should happen to have a favorite book that falls within these categories (bonus points for FUNNY books) you will have my affection and kudos.

And if it's a really good book, maybe I'll name our next goldfish after you. Quite an honor there.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Dixie Cup Days


I was resting on a couch. Morgan came into the room and poured some water from an Ice Mountain water bottle into a Dixie cup for me.

Morgan: "Here, Mom. Drink this. And then you can dream and remember when you and me did things when you were normal."

I wanted to cry. But I stayed composed.

Emily: "Morgan, aren't I normal now?"

Morgan: "You're kinda sick, Mom."

And with that, she left the room.

My 4 year-old (going on 24-year old) sweetheart daughter.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Morganisms

Morgan to Grandpa: "You and Grandma are getting old, Grandpa. One day you'll go to heaven."

Grandpa: (Laughing) "Yes, you're right, Morgan. And you'll be there one day, too, right, Morgan?"

Morgan: "Yep."

I'm glad my in-laws have a sense of humor.

_____________________________

Morgan was swinging with two friends next door. They were competing to see who could swing the highest. Morgan was going the least high. She didn't know I overheard this conversation.

Morgan: "I'm going the highest."

Friend: "No, you're not."

Morgan: "Well, my sister can go higher than you two."

Friend: "You don't have a sister."

Morgan: "Yes, I do. She's growing in my Mommy's tummy right now."

Friday, May 16, 2008

Big Picture

On babycenter.com, one can see illustrations of what the gestational development of, say, a 9 week pregnancy looks like. Underneath the image, there is a link which says, "See the Big Picture".



I laughed. That's exactly what I need: to see the big picture.

I have spent the majority of the week feeling very, very sick. It's good for me mentally-- the baby is doing some great growth. The sickness is exhausting. This week I did my share of crying to my new best friend, El Toilette, and asking it why I was going through this. My husband was gone most of the week and I was weary.

But today, I saw this image and saw the alien within my gates is starting to look more human and that maybe I'm growing something wonderful after all.

Perhaps this offends some: that a woman who worked hard for nearly two years to obtain a nice strong (albeit sick) pregnancy would even dare to complain. I mean, I asked for it.

Yeah, I'm pretty ashamed of that. But maybe as I fix my eyes on this illustration, I'll see why it's all worth it.

____________________________________

On a separate note, I knew I needed some help with Morgan during my sickness. My friend Cari recommended that I put an ad on the Wheaton College website. Within hours I get a response from a WONDERFUL woman who helps me each day. I grow a baby and she helps with Morgan. And dishes. And vacuuming. And brings me flowers from her garden. I am very blessed to have her. Thanks, Cari, for the suggestion.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

100 Things About Me

*whew* Took me a few days to do this!

1. I never officially dated until college, unless you count the guy I dated in 7th grade for 1 hour.

2. I worked 11 summers at the Ocean City, Jersey beach as a manager of a small hotel.

3. I'd sell everything to move and live at the beach. In a heartbeat.

4. I married my best friend.

5. I honestly thought I was too weird and uptight to be "marryable". I'm surprised every anniversary that I was given such a wonderful and strange man.

6. My husband brews beer for fun. It's quite good.

7. I like to run.

8. I also enjoy biking.

9. I can't water ski very well; weak upper body strength.

10. I grew up in Maryland and hoped to live there forever.

11. Now I live in Chicago. I hope to con my husband into living near my family again. (Sh.)

12. I did some design work for Acco Brands. They own the Swing*line brand. In the the movie "Office Space", the red Swing*line stapler was something the movie created. As a result of the cult following of the movie, Swing*line had to start manufacturing a red stapler. Ah, the power of marketing.

13. I really like branding. As in marketing branding.

14. I respond to color like a moth responds to light. It's a magnetic force that I can't control.

15. I absolutely plan on asking God one day about Adam and Eve and whether they had belly buttons.

16. I'm a silly person who tries to be ladylike but sometimes can't help herself.

17. At heart I'm a bit of a cynic but I'm trying to hang out with positive, real people who will rub off on me.

18. For the first month of my marriage to Dan, almost everything he said to me was borrowed lines from the S*impsons. It was really weird.

19. I love how newborn babies have a round back and tuck their legs under their chest. I also love when they snuggle in the crook of my neck and sleep.

20. I'd rather have a handful of good friends than be shallow friends with lots of people.

21. I went to private, public and home school growing up. Ask me anything.

22. I was the valedictorian and homecoming queen my senior year. Remember, I was homeschooled.

23. I've been to Jamaica and Russia (er, FORMER Soviet Union) and Italy. I liked Italy best.

24. I wish I had more guy friends growing up; I was always scared of guys and dating.

25. I wish my husband had more guy friends growing up; he had lots of dates with women. He can't even remember them all.

26. Our goal for Morgan is to have guy friends one day, too.

27. My primary prayer for Morgan when she was newborn was that she would be a compassionate girl. I actually prayed that she wouldn't be mean; she was only a week old.

28. If I ever have another baby, I will cry for joy so hard that Niagara Falls will look like a puddle.

29. I have many regrets in life, but I have never regretted a good hug, a good book or saying something encouraging to someone.

30. I love when women put aside their differences and encourage each other in all things good.

31. I'm a foodie. In a bad way.

32. I used to be a vegetarian.

33. I love watching Fras*ier.

34. My mother is one of the most giving and compassionate people I know.

35. My father is one of the hardest working realtors I have ever met.

36. Any negative clichés about in-laws are a mystery to me.

37. My sister-in-law is 6 months older than my husband. (Try to figure that one out.)

38. My husband was born 2 months prematurely.

39. I'm glad my husband is 6'6". I once dated a guy much shorter and found myself slouching a lot.

40. I don't understand people who think the world just formed accidentally. If that's the case, why won't my house design itself?

41. I don't have "best friends", except for Dan. I have people who I would like to call best friends but I feel that once someone is labeled "best friend" that other people feel like they aren't allowed to be close friends with that person. I just avoid the conundrum altogether.

42. Fertility trouble has been the most difficult trial I have ever been in in my entire life.

43. If you have friends with fertility trouble (and you don't have fertility trouble), never give them advice or tell them negative statistics. Your only job is to hope for them.

44. I have 4 siblings. All of them are wicked cool.

45. My daughter had a pet goldfish for one month. I hope to never again have another pet in this home.

46. I think junior high is the most difficult period of life for anyone. I think Congress should lock up all junior high aged persons until their hormones and emotions settle. Just a thought.

47. My favorite part of weddings is the cake. I judge a wedding entirely by this pastry.

48. My favorite book is probably "Rich Part of Life".

49. When it comes to music, I'm pretty noncommittal. I like a lot of different stuff.

50. I'm proud to say that I brainwashed Morgan into thinking opera is cool. :)

51. I believe in redemption. I try not to give up hope on anyone or any circumstance.

52. I don't like when I gossip. I feel gross afterward.

53. I'm not so much of window shopper as a "destination" shopper. Get in. Buy. Get out. My husband should love me twice as much for this.

54. I don't need to be a millionaire to see that money doesn't buy happiness.

55. My mother and grandmother taught me to sew growing up. I hope to teach Morgan one day as well. It's a good skill to have.

56. I don't know how to knit. I'm afraid to learn b/c I might become addicted.

57. If I ever need to lose weight, I will exercise more. I have a hard time cutting yummies out of my diet.

58. My husband and I were told by our nurse that we were about to give birth to a boy, 1 hour prior to delivering our daughter. We fought over boy name spellings during that hour.

59. I love Chili*s Southwestern Eggrolls. So do my thighs. :)

60. My fertility doctor has white hair pulled up in a bun. When I first met her, I thought she might offer me warm cookies from the oven. Also, she has 10 children of her own.

61. My favorite part about being a mother is how I have to let life happen more often and go with the flow. I'm really controlling otherwise.

62. If I won a boat load of money, I think I'd pay off the mortgages of all my friends and go on a vacation with them.

63. I love homemade gifts.

64. My husband made a rather horrified face when he saw me coming down the aisle on our wedding day. I accidentally wore non-waterproof mascara and had black streaks coming down my face. It was hard to concentrate on the vows when I saw black globs on my veil.

65. When my parents went through a separation, reading Philip Yancey's What's So Amazing About Grace changed my life forever.

66. I hate fear. I do everything in my power to let it know its not welcome.

67. I discover new things about Christ and the Christian faith all the time.

68. I'm not too experienced with growing veggies, but I can grow a mean potted herb garden.

69. I used to catch crabs with my Dad on the Chesapeake Bay. Then I would grow sad as I heard them slowly die in the boiling crock.

70. My husband and I grew up ingrained with the fear of credit card debt. We hope to ingrain the same fear in Morgan.

71. My favorite car is one that works. I also like ones that haul.

72. I try not to e*bay or Crai*gslist too much. I tend to get addicted.

73. I'm addicted to this Licorice Tea.

74. I dislike waste. Like rotted food. Or unused, lonely objects.

75. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a fighter. One of my friends told me that I'm not a "force to be reckoned with". She meant it well and I took it well. But I respect people with patience and grace more than fight.

76. I have a mentor in life who is very gracious, intelligent and kind. I specifically chose her because she doesn't get uptight about things that I get uptight about.

77. I think its important to dress well for life. The human body is a beautiful piece of art.

78. I love how my husband worked at Toys *R Us and an Italian restaurant during college in order to pay his bills. He's not too proud to work at unpopular places.

79. When Dan and I were first dating, he made sure I knew that he planned on moving to Chicago b/c he had his heart set on going to Kellogg. Dan worked full time and went to school part time. Oh, and we had a new baby and owned a fixer-upper house during those 3 years and 9 months. He's amazing. I'm lucky. We were tired.

80. We specifically bought a house last year that did not need to be gutted. (See #79.)

81. I love Death by Chocolate Cake made at the Trellis restaurant in Williamsburg, VA. It takes three days to make. I've only had it once and find it unforgettable.

82. When my daughter was born, I didn't bond well with her. I wondered if I cared for her.
One day, I took my newborn for a stroller walk. A dog came running after me gnashing its teeth. In a split second, I decided to throw my body over Morgan and offer the dog my left leg. :) The dog's chain stopped it from coming closer, but after that I knew that I would protect her.

83. I love Auntie Anne*s fresh lemonade. You should, too.

84. I love to say the phrase "It makes you cry for your momma" when something tastes really good. I'm not sure where I heard it, but it's mine now. :)

85. I cry at baptisms and want to cry when I see older couples holding hands taking a walk together.

86. I was named after Emily Dickinson.

87. I've worked in graphics for about a decade. I wouldn't mind branching out into new avenues of design.

88. I feel immensely domestic and happy when I make homemade soup for my family.

89. And cake. (See #88.)

90. I met my husband in college, but we didn't date until 2 years AFTER college when he moved to Maryland. I had a big crush on him.

91. I have a lot of black in my wardrobe. It's the vice of being an art major. For this reason, every time I buy something new, I try to make sure it's a more vivid color.

92. I don't understand atheists. I think they need love. I do, however, respect them.

93. I'd love to have met Francis Schaeffer.

94. Sometimes I think renting rather than owning a home sounds kind of nice.

95. I've lived in Michigan, New Jersey, Maryland and Illinois.

96. In my experience, creating (art, design, etc.) is a delicate balance of working hard and stepping back to contemplate. Whenever I start feeling uptight about a design, I've learned to stop, step back and reevaluate. Usually the answer is not far away but needs a little time for revision.

97. I love fruit salad with the works!

98. I love Whipped Cream.

99. I have a saying about my husband: "He's not perfect, but he's perfect for me." I think he's great.

100. I am 8.5 weeks pregnant.


Addendum to #6: Dan fell in love with brewing when his friend Jason introduced him to his brew back in September. When we spent more time talking about brew than playing cards, I knew we had a new hobby on our hands. Thanks, Jason.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Morgan Learns About, Um, Bodily Functions

It never occurred to me that Morgan had never seen vomit until she and I were in the McDonald's bathroom weeks ago where I was getting sick. She looked terrified. It was there, in that romantic moment, that I taught her about the sickness and about the baby.

Ever since then, she's been using her new knowledge liberally. I couldn't be, um, prouder(?)

__________________

A song my daughter sang sweetly to me last night as she waited to use the computer:

"You are so old.
You are so old.
Because you throw up a lot."
__________________

Morgan: "I gotta go to the bathroom, Mom. Gotta throw up."
__________________

Morgan: "Hi, Aunt Jill. My Mom's having a baby. Every day something comes out of her mouth."

Monday, May 12, 2008

A Mother's Heart on Infertility

A confession, friends: The joy of the news of our pregnancy is mixed for me.

I have joined hands in prayer with friends throughout these past 2 years of fertility trouble and have made some great friendships. I have wept for them (and me) and held out the hope that God would heal and bring some resolution.

Some friends couldn't conceive on their own.
Some friends couldn't carry a pregnancy to term without intervention.
Some friends opted for adoption.
Still other friends are taking the slow journey each day as they try one solution after another.

I've felt the rawness of their heart as well as my own whenever we found out someone became pregnant. Our hearts were torn... glad for the life of another but hating the jealousy that built inside. I've felt the ache of friends who have miscarried. I have cursed the effects of sin in the world that would take something so beautiful as marital sex and turn it into a painful wedge.

I hate infertility.

I'm not sure what this journey holds for me, but I believe that God will allow this one to come to full term. I have a peace about it. I hope it will be so.

To all my friends who have struggled with infertility, know that I pray for you and that God hears you. Know that you are women of courage, who are willing to hope despite despair, who are willing to celebrate others despite the thorn in your own heart. God sees. God hears.

May He hold your heart tenderly as you (and I) look forward to the end of this bitter journey.