A confession, friends: The joy of the news of our pregnancy is mixed for me.
I have joined hands in prayer with friends throughout these past 2 years of fertility trouble and have made some great friendships. I have wept for them (and me) and held out the hope that God would heal and bring some resolution.
Some friends couldn't conceive on their own.
Some friends couldn't carry a pregnancy to term without intervention.
Some friends opted for adoption.
Still other friends are taking the slow journey each day as they try one solution after another.
I've felt the rawness of their heart as well as my own whenever we found out someone became pregnant. Our hearts were torn... glad for the life of another but hating the jealousy that built inside. I've felt the ache of friends who have miscarried. I have cursed the effects of sin in the world that would take something so beautiful as marital sex and turn it into a painful wedge.
I hate infertility.
I'm not sure what this journey holds for me, but I believe that God will allow this one to come to full term. I have a peace about it. I hope it will be so.
To all my friends who have struggled with infertility, know that I pray for you and that God hears you. Know that you are women of courage, who are willing to hope despite despair, who are willing to celebrate others despite the thorn in your own heart. God sees. God hears.
May He hold your heart tenderly as you (and I) look forward to the end of this bitter journey.
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2 comments:
I loves you, Ems!
Hi Emily, I found you through Sarah (Shortstop) and just wanted to tell you what a beautiful and honest post this is. My husband and I briefly (9 months) struggled with infertility (ending up on Clomid) and have experienced the loss of a child, so I know a bit of your pain - though, each pain is different. Thank you for writing this post - it really touched me. And congratulations on your news. May He care for that little one with a tender touch and a Father's love. :)
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