The minuses to being a stay at home mom are the same as the plusses: (flexibility) because one moment you're on-top-of-the-world with organizational ecstasy and the next moment you're reluctantly giving the two-hour slot you allocated to (whatever) to the tire center with a nail in the tire. *Boring*
So I'm seizing this moment to blog.
Recently, I was reflecting on what life was like one year ago. I was somber. And weepy. And happy. And crazy. The happy little hormonal rainbow that we call pregnancy was a joy ride for all involved.
I was reflecting on this as I watched my nearly one-year old baby pull tissues out of the box with great glee. About how I couldn't possibly have pictured this feisty little girl in my life, about how I clung religiously to this grainy sonogram picture of her gnawing on her fist and loved what I knew of her. The sonogram picture is still on my fridge from one year ago. One day I'll take it down, but not now. I have reasons which the heart alone knows for keeping it up there.
Much happens in a year. I'm up to my eyeballs in childproofing this house from my wonderfully curious infant. She adores SOS pads, at least the emptying of them from the box. She loves to chew on the ottoman and this little wood finial from Dan's chess table. She's got an adorable temper which I will blog about in a year with different feelings, I'm sure. And she dances with this odd flip-flop of the head that makes you wonder if she's got a tick. Again, adorable.
Last year I sat in her nearly-perfect nursery that smelled like fresh paint and rubbed my belly with all the holy ponderings befit of a mother-to-be. And this year I can barely keep the diaper bin empty as I wrestle my infant to the changing table.
The heart is amazing in it's capabilities, isn't it?
Last year, the quiet ponderings.
This year, I still ponder, but it's done in little snatches of time... a photo I snagged which remains in my constipated digital camera, a scrap of paper with a mad jumble of words on it which reminds me to tell Dan a funny story. That sort of thing.
What joy, to be a part of life, to ride the waves of God's goodness and to marvel at how he fills the heart again. And again. And again.
2 comments:
Emily- Its "funny" you should write about this because I was just thinking yesterday about how I found your blog last year while you were still pregnant with Eve- and then I realized she's nearly a year old! Thanks for sharing her whole first year so that I could love this new amazing person who lives miles and miles away, and I've never "met". I was pleased to have a year of your family to look back on! Thanks so much for sharing them and for sharing your thoughts along the way!
Thanks so much for this, esp as I say g'bye to a best friend as he moves to CA.
A lot can definitely happen in a year and my heart feels like it's on empty, but I know that God is good and soon enough my heart will be filled up again and I'll be ok. :)
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