Gestation-rific

Disclaimer: The following post is rated "M" for "Mature". 

I have a theory: 

The bodily functions a pregnant woman goes through are essentially the same as what the child she is carrying will go through once born. 

The purpose of these bodily changes in the mother is to create empathy for the young offspring.

Stay with me.

1. Poo

There's no use beating around the bush. Poo. It's what we do. (Tempted to say "it's what we doo-doo" but that would be overkill.) Babies adjust to their new little digestive systems and a great big poo will make or break their day. Thus the little hormonal change which some women go through in pregnancy that stops up the system is essentially building their empathy considerably.

Empathy level: 8 (out of 10)

2. Spitting Up

I'm not saying that I do this, but, you know... other people probably do. The whole stomach/esophagus relationship becomes real intimate during gestation. 

Empathy level: 5 

3. Diapers

Okay, seriously... could it get any more humiliating? Kegels or no... one hard sneeze and you're visiting Niagara Falls. 

Empathy level: 10

4. Waddling

The waddle is actually preparing the pregnant person for s-l-o-w-i-n-g   d-o-w-n their life considerably... and not just physically either. Studies in the Dykstra household show that the greater the waddle, the slower the brain activity. Waddling is also meant to simulate the frustration a toddler feels upon learning to walk.

Empathy level: 4

5. Moodiness

This is the best day of my life. 

This is the worst day of my life. 

I'm happy. 

I'm sad. 

I'm happy again.

Now I'm angry. 

I'm sleepy. 

I'm hungry. 

This is just a 5-minute sampler of the pregnant woman's emotions. 

Ditto for newborns. 

Empathy level: 11

6. Narcolepsy

"Oh hi, Mom, I was just going to call you and... zzzzzzz." 

Empathy level: 100

So there you have it: the quick and dirty on the importance of gestational discomfort. Stay tuned next week for my next theory on why God chose women to have wombs and not men.