Books

His Needs, Her Needs by William Harley, Jr. was an eye opener for me. I really enjoyed how it talked about how people get into mediocre zones in their marriage which lead to affairs. I read the book because I feel distant from Dan when we have a child. I have a hard time connecting with him for a while. 

After reading this book, I talked with Dan about us finding a recreational activity to do together which we both enjoy. Apparently watching movies doesn't qualify. And according to the book, we need to find something that we both enjoy. I like dancing, but Dan isn't too fond of it. Dan would very like to fence with me, but I'm not jiggy with that either. We're thinking about starting bowling for date nights. Doesn't that sound fun? In the past we have also enjoyed canoeing. 

Here are the needs that the author says that men have:

1. Sexual fulfillment (didn't see THAT coming!) 

2. Recreational companionship

3. An attractive spouse (A very interesting chapter also!)

4. Domestic support

5. Admiration

And for the women:

1. Affection

2. Conversation

3. Honesty and openness

4. Financial support

5. Family commitment

I found the book to be a little on the old-fashioned side of things, but when it came right down to it, there was little with which I disagreed. There is a survey at the end of the book and lots of discussion questions to start communication at the end of each chapter. 

At the end of the book, I came away with the understanding that I have to make time to spend time with Dan... be intentional about date nights and converesation. Essentially, we need to reserve time AND energy to really enjoy and know each other better. Dan and I have made time for each other, but it's mostly at, like, 4am when we can't sleep. It will be interesting to have a date with him in which we're both awake at the end... and not just watching credits from a movie. :) 

The second book I recommend is "For Women Only" by Shauna Feldhahn. My husband was having some work issues recently and this book was my guide for being a supportive spouse. It helped me understand his heart a little more, too.