Deliberate-mass

I don't know about the mass of my friends and how they feel about Christmas, but for me, I have been struggling with how to celebrate this beautiful season for years. 

This year, I am pleased to say, something beautiful is shedding light on this season of advent.

My past Christmases with Dan have not been horrible. But the constant traveling, bustling about to get gifts and mail them, cooking, etc. have not endeared me to the season. Each year I commit to simplifying and embracing clichés of "remembering the Reason for the Season" and each year I feel a bit short on the sentiment. But this year, some good things are happening:

Factor One: Didn't Travel

This year, the spirit was willing to travel to family but the body was weak. Turned out to be a blessing. We just finished enjoying a week of Thanksgiving and Christmas with Dan's family here at the Dykstra abode and it went really well. My nausea was kept in check and I was really able to enjoy good conversation, laughter and card-playing with my in-laws. Great time.

Factor Two: Shared Responsibilities and Simplifying

I'm learning to let others contribute to the merriment. My sister-in-law made some wonderful gingerbread cookies for us this weekend. I had originally planned to bake them ahead of time and have a decorating party with the family, but I was too tuckered out. It was great to see Jill and Dan whip up the gingerbread dough together and make some homemade family memories. 

Factor Three: Deliberate Purchases

This one is a toughy. I haven't totally aced it, but I'm learning to slow down and think through my purchases. Dan and I, for instance, were planning on getting Morgan a dollhouse this year. Morgan would be thrilled with a place for her 10" sized dolls. 

But then we learned that one grandmother is buying her an Ameri*can Girl doll and the other grandmother had been making clothes to fit such a doll. We decided to keep with the theme and purchased a bed and wardrobe that would fit this doll. Additionally, we don't have a whole lot of room for the dollhouse at this time and felt that with the acquisition of a new sister, encouraging her to nurture a doll about the size of a baby would be a good idea. 

The point is: I tried to think of how much use she would get out of it and where I would put it in my house. Maybe she'll get that dollhouse in the future, but for now, this is plenty for her big presents. 

We also got her a few games, videos and toys that help with her creativity. I can't wait to give her her spirograph (did you grow up with those, too?) And we'll probably get her an indoor trampoline to help with the long Chicago winter. 

She got a set of pink legos this weekend and has been playing with them for 2 days.  Score! I hope the other toys foster such meaningful play as well.

Factor Four: Traditions Go On a Diet

Our families have lots of Christmas traditions, but I'm trying to only do the things which will bring the most joy and beauty to our home. I'm a big cookie buff, so I plan on making as many cookies as my energy level will allow. It brings me joy and my friends and family benefit, too. 

But decorations get pruned: This year we put up a Christmas tree and some mantle decor, but I stopped there. No door wreath or other decor. It's enough and doesn't stress me out when I think of taking it down in a month. 

Factor Five: Preparing Room

Okay, this one is a bit punny, but I've been preparing the baby's room and it just happens to coincide with the advent season. I keep thinking of the lyrics in Joy to the world: "...Let every heart prepare Him room..." 

Preparing the baby's room means thinking about her needs but also thinking about the environment I want to raise her in. It means disallowing clutter or excess (the room is too small otherwise); it means storing larger clothes as I anticipate her growth. It also means borrowing baby equipment from friends (Thanks, Kris!) and watching the room fill with homemade and store-bought gifts from loving friends and family. 

This holiday season, I believe God is calling my family to true joy. The similarities between preparing the baby's room and preparing my heart are remarkable. I want enough material celebration (cookies, gifts, music) to show that this is a time of joy. I want enough lavishness to mark the occasion as sacred and special, but if I go overboard, there's not any room for the Baby. It's a balancing act. 

So there you have it, friends. Perhaps this is a bit more on the "soap-boxy" side blog posts, but I'm truly excited about the difference in this year's Christmas season over other years. I hope your advent season is also very special and filled with peace.

Twas Thanksgiving Week

The Chalkboard in our entry way reminded us of this special week!

A list for the week helps me not feel overwhelmed. Breaks it down into bite-sized pieces.

I helped Morgan make placecards for everyone. She had fun. (Don't look, Aunt Jill!-- It's a surprise!)

Le Table: There's something soothing about setting a table gradually in my own time. It's almost meditative for me.

 Yesterday I got out the china from our wedding. After I clean the china, I'll set up the table for a time of thanks. 

This year Dan and I are in charge of the turkey ( currently defrosting!) and pies. Since this pregnancy is causing me considerable sciatic pain, I've decided to buy two of the three pies and make the third one (cherry) with pre-made ingredients. I'm learning that while I insist on good food for Thanksgiving, it doesn't have to be a production. My mother and sis-in-law are bringing the sides (aren't they great?) 

Even though you'll often find me grimacing with pregnancy pains lately (Morgan can imitate me--priceless!) I'm thankful for the other "turkey" that I'm baking. We have so much for which to be thankful.

French Silk Pie

I'm preparing my recipes for pies next week. I thought my mother-in-law might prefer a lighter option, so I Googl*ed "low fat french silk pie recipe". This result made me laugh:

"We are unable to find an exact match for: low fat chocolate french silk pie."

haha...

And THAT, my friends, is why is tastes so darn good.

Babie*s R Us

I've gone far too long without blogging something cynical. But today there was much fodder.

Some of you will be able to relate and some of you will have no blazing idea what I'm talking about. But by the end of this post, you'll be glad to know that my days of pregnancy thoughts are numbered. 

*ahem*

So today Morgan and I went to two stores: Tar*get and Babie*s R Us. When you're pregnant and you go to Tar*get– or any store for that matter– people generally have mercy on the ladies with the waddle. Sometimes people let me in line in front of them. Sometimes they make small chat. Generally the atmosphere is one of goodwill towards men. 

There is a totally different scene in Babie*s R Us. First, you fall into one of 3 camps:

1. The "oh-I'm-so-happy-I-just-found-out-I-was-5-weeks-pregnant-and-now-I'm-going-to-register-for-everything-in-the-store" camp. 

2. The "oh-my-land-I'm-going-to-jump-on-a-pogo-stick-if-I-don't-deliver-this-baby-right-now" camp.

and 

3. The "infant-who-is-puking-on-my-carefully-coordinated-carseat-cover-and-I-don't-even-care" camp.

First, the people who are newly pregnant are pretty easy to spot. For starters, they generally have their spouse with them if not an entire entourage of family who are eager to help them register for baby equipment. And BOY do they register. They ask for one of every size and color and brand... just to be safe... and they fall for the not-so-subtle marketing ploys in the name of safety: "Honey, I couldn't POSSIBLY buy the blue bottles... they remind me of chlorine water and would be unsafe for little junior." 

Lest I sound too jaded, I, too, was a member of this camp. In fact, to quote my husband, "Em, I work for an OIL company and I think there's more money in baby equipment. That's sad, " he said as we registered for everything pastel.

The second batch of campers come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Generally they are found waddling, holding their back and moving at a slow pace. When the aisle gets too crowded for TWO pregnant women, they size each other up to determine who gets the right-of-way. It's all done very subtlely of course: "Oh, when are you due, " they ask innocently. The one with the largest tummy or the slowest waddle may get preference. And when it comes to waiting in line for purchases, there is an unsaid rule that those who look to be in the most pain are allowed to butt in line. I haven't mastered the "look" for said pain, but I have allowed a few in line in front of me.

This brings me to my last camp of women: The new mother. She is easy to spot as well because her hair is in a pony tail, she has a crying baby and sometimes her socks don't match. The new mother ALWAYS gets to be front in line, especially if her baby is wailing. 

And when one is in line with the "new mother", one would do well to ask how old the baby is, how delivery was, etc. The "newly pregnant" women don't really care about this information; they simply want to see how cute the baby is and secretly think that their baby will be cuter. They also take note of coordinating outfits and whether or not they are organic.

Meanwhile, it takes all the strength of a lion for the  "deliver me" mommas to not rub the heads of the new mothers for luck. They want desperately to deliver and are not so interested in being king-of-the-line as being at the end-of-their-line, if you catch my drift.

There is one more camp of consumer that is worth the mention: My personal favorite: The new fathers. If a new father comes by himself, you can bet your bottom dollar that he has fallen for every gimmick the store has thrown his way. He will have purchased the expensive "nursery water" and every brand name of toy for their child even though their offspring was born only one week before. And... and... the one thing they were supposed to purchase (diapers) will probably be forgotten. In the name of love. Give him a few months and he'll be a little less perky with the credit card. If he's smart, he'll regift them. 

So there you have it: the ins and outs of the consumer guide pyramid at Babie*s R Us. It's a jungle out there, but I'm almost at the top. *wink*

Thanksgiving

Dan and I are hosting Thanksgiving dinner this year. 

I'm so excited. 

First, I'm excited because I'm having TONS of help. Dan and I are in charge of the turkey and pies. His mother and sister are doing the sides. Aren't they wonderful? 

And I choose to see my sciatica and nausea (yes, still) as a blessing in disguise. I am forced to delegate and rest. And if I don't, then it's sickville for me. And I love Thanksgiving. I have no intention of going to the Ville for the Ill. 

So here's some traditions I grew up with which I hope to continue in my family this year:

1. Watching the Thanksgiving Day Parade with my family in the morning. 

2. Having a fire in the fireplace.

3. A warm breakfast (waffles?) and then snackies for lunch to keep room for Thanksgiving dinner.

4. A table set with the Thanksgiving regalia all week long. China. Candles. Place cards. It's like looking at a beautiful sculpture all week. I'll set it up in our dining room so we'll eat like we normally do on our kitchen table all week until the big day.

5. My mother always set up a card table set up with a puzzle by the fire.

6. Beautiful instrumental music to set the tone. Lit candles. Warmth and beauty.

7. Football in the afternoon.

8. Coffee and dessert after our stomachs have settled from "round one". 

9. And most importantly, an overall attitude of thanks. Joy. Peace.

Rest for the Weary

I am so impressed with myself. 

I am so impressed by how the slightest wind of health change can send me from "happy momma" to "el grumpo". If I would have read this post a year ago, I would say to myself, "Self, be happy you're pregnant. What's a little back pain?" But this sciatica is truly debilitating. 

I told my sister Noel that I hope to never take my general health for granted ever again after this pregnancy. Or complain about exercising. To just be grateful for movement. 

It's difficult for me to see something that  needs to be done (vacuuming) and tell myself that I need to stay seated and rested and not worry about the fuzzies. Laughing... I know that this sciatica is preparing me for life with a newborn and I'm truly humbled by how much I struggle with wanting to make my house just a *little* more clean. 

Here's the good news: While my  little intruder is constantly kicking, it is something that I wished for... to feel life inside me. And this week, if my online sources are correct, she is scheduled to grow 3/4 of a pound! Whew! What joy that she grows and develops. 

I can use this rest time to read, pray, play cards with Morgan and ask Dan for help. All things which will come in handy after the birth, too.

And while it's not the *best* picture of my little one, I have etched in the recesses of my mind a certain image of her looking at me and Dan in the ultrasound screen. She looked directly into the camera and munched busily on her fist. I can't wait to meet her. 

Hope to see you in a month, baby girl!

(Here is an ultrasound photo that shows her gnawing on her fist. There was another image that was much better but we were unable to get a pic of it. Still... we're smitten.)

Chai for Me, Chai for You

Last year I came across this recipe from Pills*bury's Holiday Cookies booklet. I'm a sucker for those little cookie booklets in the checkout lane at the grocery store. 

This cookie will probably be a staple on our Christmas cookie tray. Naturally I had to make 3 batches. :)

Chai-Spiced Cookies

COOKIES

1 c. butter

1/2 c. powdered sugar

2 c. flour

1-1/2 tsp. ground cardamom

1-1/2 tsp. allspice

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 tsp. nutmeg

1/2 tsp. ginger

1/2 tsp. ground cloves

1/2 tsp. salt

4 tsp. vanilla

2 egg yolks

COATING

1-1/2 c. powdered sugar

1/2 tsp. ground cardamom

1/2 tsp. cinnamon

1. Heat oven to 350. In large bowl, beat butter and 1/2 cup powdered sugar. Stir in remaining ingredients. 

2. Shape double by rounded tablespoonfuls into balls. On ungreased cookie sheets, place balls 1.5" apart.

3. Bake 12-15 minutes until lightly browned. Remove cookies from sheets to racks; cool 5 minutes.

4. In medium bowl, mix coating ingredients. Working in batches, gently roll warm cookies into coating mixture. Cool and then roll in mixture again. Let them cool fully before stashing. Also, wax paper between layers of cookies prevents sticking.

Cry for your momma as you enjoy these cookies with some hot tea. Oh my, oh my. 

But wait, there's more...

If you have extra coating mixture, sprinkle some on your morning waffles for a holiday-ish flav. We had some this morning. Yummers.

35 Weeks Down, 35 Days to Go

Today I saw an image of a baby. 

My baby. 

Growing inside, gnawing on her fist. 

Saw her fingers. Toes. Bladder. Heart.

She said, "I'm alive, Momma! I'm alive!" with her marvelous movements.

We didn't get a printout pic of her face, but for a full few seconds she looked directly into the camera and I fell in love. Dan and I both did. It felt surreal.

She has very long legs. (We were so surprised... sarcasm, sarcasm.)

Head down (whew!) 

And I hope to meet her in just 35 days. *sigh*

For Dan

Addendum: I found this pic on the internet. This is not our house. Repeat: not.

Psalm 19 Morning

I started the morning wrong. Critical, mostly. I feel yucky. 

Then I came downstairs to our family room and felt more critical because my daughter accidentally pulled down my 4 panel curtains yesterday and there they lay. On the floor. More criticism. Disappointment, mostly.

Psalm 19 had something to say about it:

Who can understand his errors?

Cleanse me from my secret faults.

Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins.

Let them not have dominion over me...

...Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

Be acceptable in Your sight,

O LORD, my strength and my Redeemer.

I'm asking God for a do-over.

Mother's Heart

I'm entering that stage of the pregnancy where physicality takes a back seat to sentimentality. 

Today I looked at photos of Morgan when she was first born. I recalled my rush of feelings at seeing her: 

How beautiful! 

Did I really deliver THIS?

She can't be mine!

Supposedly I'm the expert here. 

I laughed at the time I went to the nursery after she was delivered and oooed and aahed over her from the nursery window. I asked the nurse to bring her out and then realized that I had been looking at the wrong baby; the nurse picked up another baby-- my baby. I felt insecure and sheepish for not knowing which one was mine. :)

I remember hearing my macho husband turn to butter the instant she was born... singing to her and using a voice 2 octaves above middle C. *swoon*

I reminisced about having my mother in the delivery room with me. So special.

I remembered fondly that my in-laws drove into town the next day to see the new little addition. I laughed when my very sweet and somewhat docile mother-in-law demanded of her husband, "John! You give me that baby!" because he was holding her too long. From them on I knew that this little one would be well protected and loved by all her grandparents. 

I giggled at the thought of our car ride home: Dan and I rode silently, absolutely awestruck and terrified by the little bundle in the back seat. And I still laugh at how I thought Morgan's newborn slouchy head was keeping her from breathing; I sat in the back seat and held her head up when we drove to a church function. hehe

I marvel at the maternal instinct I had even though I thought I didn't have it: When a dog threatened to attack Morgan and I on a stroller ride (she was only a few weeks old), I threw my body over Morgan and stuck out my left leg for the dog to chew. Shortly after I realized that the dog was indeed chained and I had nothing to fear. My left leg was grateful.

And now as I start to wonder how I'll allow room in my life for this new little one, I think I'll take a page out of Morgan's philosophy: "Your heart stretches, Mom."

You're right, Morgan. So right.

Times of Grace

Thankful for our friends Sarah and Jason visiting us in Chicago. Watching them parent their 3 boys was encouraging... taking time to cuddle and play. My, we enjoyed them. Besides, they're east-coasters at heart... gotta love that. *wink*

Finding some deals with Sarah at the Crate and Barrel Outlet. I've been remaining "Crate and Barrel chaste" so that I'd enjoy my time with her there. I got a gorgeous Thanksgiving tablecloth for about $20. It's hard to find a good tablecloth less than $80. Whoo-hoo!

Having Kris and Carey come over for dinner to meet Sarah and Jason. Amazing how blogging connects people! Much laughter was had.

Sharing mothering stories that remind us that we're all in this together. 

Having a date "morning" with Dan on Friday. Having breakfast with my best bud and then *amazingly* finding the wool coat he wanted (and needed desperately) at a favorite men's clothing store of his. It's hard to find coats that fit his tall frame; most of the time we have to have it shipped, but this one was the LAST one in the store window. Laughing... he had the audacity to ask me, "Should we buy it?" Yes, yes and more yes. 

Having Dan try out a treadmill I have been researching and finding out that *yes!* it will fit his gait. We've been wanting him to try this treadmill out for many, many months. Now that we know the model we want, let the deal searching begin!

Watching Kung Fu Panda for family movie night on Sunday night. Watching Dan wrestle with Morgan. Playing Scrabble with Dan in bed. (We don't keep points b/c he's so competitive. *wink*)

Attending church where God's Word is preached. Living in a country where we may worship freely.

Waking up to a little one kicking vigorously inside me. Learning to accept the fact that I need to rest my body this morning... some sort of weird stretching pains remind me that my body is not my own right now. Thankful for a kind family who doesn't push me when I need to rest. Smiling at my stomach as it wobbles from fetus' kicking. Looks like a TV and reading day. Thankful for leftovers in the fridge; dinner is ready. :)

34 Weeks

34 Weeks Means...

6 more weeks to go. 

Ideally.

And if this kiddo is anything like Morgan, then it will want to stay in an additional two more weeks.

We're hoping that is not the case.

Plus, Dan wants to claim this baby as THIS year's tax deduction. :)

When I Am Old

I shall dye my hair that lovely shade of light lavender that all older women do.

I'll shave my brows and pencil them in a lovely blue or turquoise liner.

I shall have my hair "set" by someone at a salon school. And wash it once a week.

I will have an assortment of sensible light cardigan sweaters for wearing in the summer.

All my pants will be polyester. And I'll wear those little ankle socks with the pom-poms on them to keep them from slipping down into my shoes.

I might wear house dresses.

The biggest news I'll have each day is what I had for dinner the night before and what I'm having for dinner tonight. And it will always be chicken.

I will totally eat at the Early Bird Specials.

I'll submit crafts at church bazaars for charity. Then I'll cringe when I find out that the charity was a cat shelter.

I'll make cookies for the local fire department and claim "Pschaw. It was nothin', honey."

I'll still be madly in love with Dan and will have to beat off all the other older women who try to flirt with him at Bingo night.

I'll call my grandchildren regularly and drop them $20 in the mail for no reason. They'll say "thank you" even though $20 will only buy a pack of gum then.

I'll take cat naps throughout the day and still sleep through the night.

I'll look at my wedding photos and lie, "Why, I've hardly changed a bit!"

I'll wear bright pink underpants just to keep Dan hoppin'. 

I'll pray for my family every day and kiss my husband every night.

Yeah, it's over

I have mixed feelings about the election results. 

Typically I vote Republican. 

Typically my husband votes Democrat. 

Laughing...and typically we get along except for the one week in November every 4 years when we go to cancel out each other's votes. 

But this year I voted for: (drumroll please)... no one. 

Neither presidential candidate.

They both had wonderful things about their character that I liked, but they both had major ideas about life, the economy and the healthcare system that, quite frankly, scared the beejeebees out of me. I voted for all the other offices, but was paralyzed by the presidential vote.

Here's what I do think:

1. I'm glad it's over. That's for certain.

2. I'm saddened that the media is now being kind to McCain after so many weeks of pummeling. 

3. I'm impressed with the humility I see in Mr. Obama. He doesn't seem to have that lust for power like I see in others. I don't agree with all his policies, but I pray for him.

4. I was taught growing up to be wary of speaking ill in public of the president, no matter if his/her ideals meet mine. I still agree with this and intend to teach my daughter(s) the same.

5. Since my in-laws (okay, just the dad-in-law) have been trying to indoctrinate me with their democrat ideals for, say, 8 long years now, I'll be glad to eat dinner without political indigestion at Thanksgiving.  (I teased him about it this morning-- he already knows. We have that kind of relationship.)

6. I care an awful lot about our country. An awful lot. In fact, I'm watching our family budget more carefully to live better within our means. And I'm praying with greater fervor for her welfare. 

God Bless you, USA.

Tea for Two

Let me set the stage regarding these photos: Yesterday was a Monday. Enough said, right?

Two grocery stores. 

One other errand. 

The tired "distractions" of taking a preschooler to multiple but necessary places:

"Please stop hanging on the cart."

"Please stop taking things off the racks." 

"Here's your second snack."

"Let's see who can put their seatbelt on faster."

You know the drill.

The mother pretending to be "perky".  

A daughter who did rather well considering it was beaucoup errand day. 

Big morning.

A nap was necessary. 

And since Morgan was not interested in a nap, she played quietly in her room while I attempted sleep. 

The operative word here is "attempted".

(At this point I would like to totally deviate and let the reader know that I just now heard my daughter open a bag of M&Ms which scattered all over the wood floor. Totally appropriate that I should hear that background noise as I write this.)

Now back to our post: Miss Morgan kept coming into my bedroom every few minutes to invite me to a tea party. She must've invited me 10 times. Grudgingly seeing that a nap was impossible, I entered her room to find this:

That's right: A hamper made into a table. A pretty tablecloth and "table" all set with food and plates. A little girl "dressed" for the occasion. Hospitality.

I can't say that my tiredness left me, but I willed it to leave me. I remembered that she was this little only once and I thoroughly enjoyed my wood tomato tea snack. The company was delightful. It wasn't a "scheduled" time of play or "intentional" parenting. All the better. 

Morgan, may you continue to show hospitality like this all your life. Love you, baby girl.

IVF Shirts

A big fat thanks to my friend Shannon (fellow IVF'er) who showed me these hilarious t-shirts available online. It's nice to laugh. :)

Zingers

Morgan: "Mom, my friend has a princess set. I want a princess set, too."

Emily: "Maybe for Christmas, Morgan."

Morgan: "No, I want one today."

Emily: "I'll think about it." (Yes, I totally wasn't going to think about it. Or get the toy.)

Morgan: "Well after you think about it, then change your mind and let me get what I really want."

Rats. She found me out.

________________

Emily: "Morgan, I'm going to vote today for our next president. A president is the leader of our country. Who do you think I should vote for?"

Morgan: "Who is on the dollar again?"

Emily: "George Washington."

Morgan: "Yeah. Vote for him."

Bodily Disfunctions

Random statement as we were driving to preschool:

Morgan: "Mom, when Marmee and Poppi (Emily's parents) were here, I tried not to toot."

Land, child, I hope you didn't have gas pains the whole time they were here.

_________________________________

This is progress, however. Because back in March when my mother came to visit, Morgan had some accidents.

The first time we noticed was when my mother said, "Morgan has been in the bathroom a long time. Want to check on her?" When I did, I found a little girl standing in a puddle. She had been there probably 10 minutes, afraid to tell me what she did and too embarrassed to tell her Marmee (grandma) what had happened. I cleaned her up quickly and helped her forget the incident.

It happened TWO more times in two days, which was really weird because she was completely potty trained. Apparently she was having so much fun playing with my mother that she didn't want to take a break to go to the bathroom. 

*sigh* I just love this kid.