When I Am Old

I shall dye my hair that lovely shade of light lavender that all older women do.

I'll shave my brows and pencil them in a lovely blue or turquoise liner.

I shall have my hair "set" by someone at a salon school. And wash it once a week.

I will have an assortment of sensible light cardigan sweaters for wearing in the summer.

All my pants will be polyester. And I'll wear those little ankle socks with the pom-poms on them to keep them from slipping down into my shoes.

I might wear house dresses.

The biggest news I'll have each day is what I had for dinner the night before and what I'm having for dinner tonight. And it will always be chicken.

I will totally eat at the Early Bird Specials.

I'll submit crafts at church bazaars for charity. Then I'll cringe when I find out that the charity was a cat shelter.

I'll make cookies for the local fire department and claim "Pschaw. It was nothin', honey."

I'll still be madly in love with Dan and will have to beat off all the other older women who try to flirt with him at Bingo night.

I'll call my grandchildren regularly and drop them $20 in the mail for no reason. They'll say "thank you" even though $20 will only buy a pack of gum then.

I'll take cat naps throughout the day and still sleep through the night.

I'll look at my wedding photos and lie, "Why, I've hardly changed a bit!"

I'll wear bright pink underpants just to keep Dan hoppin'. 

I'll pray for my family every day and kiss my husband every night.