This post is only for those who can handle lactation-speak. This is a quasi-fictional piece I created based on the past weeks of working with lactation-consultants, reading La Lech*e League books and listening to my sleep-deprived mind-vomits. I wrote it to help me laugh.
Advisor: "Are you getting enough to drink?"
Emily: "Probably not. I'm pretty forgetful lately."
Advisor: "Are you getting enough rest?"
Emily: "Define 'enough'."
Advisor: "Well, I think you should let the baby nurse whenever she wants for now."
Emily: (Hesistant.) "Okay."
Advisor: "And hold her as much as possible. It's also a good idea to let her co-sleep with you. Infants don't care about the clock. Don't count on every 2-3 hour feedings. Sometimes they just want comfort."
Emily: "Mmmm-hmmm. Doesn't this conflict with your earlier question about my rest?"
Advisor: "You can rest with her."
Emily: "Sure, sure. (bahaaa) Question: I have a 5 year old also... how am I supposed to take care of her while I'm co-sleeping and holding a baby all day?"
Advisor: "Oh, it's really not all that hard. You simply keep the baby in a sling on yourself all day and you can do most of your regular activities. You can do laundry, dishes and play with your other child. While you make organic, wholesome dinners."
Emily: "What about when I shower?"
Advisor: "We don't advise that you shower until 6 months from now when you are fully trained in breast feeding. At that point you are allowed to have your spouse give you a sponge bath."
Emily: "And where will the baby be?"
Advisor: "Remember the sling? Also, don't forget to eat healthfully during these key milk-producing times."
Emily: "Cool... I haven't been out in ages. I look forward to grocery shopping."
Advisor: "Actually, you aren't allowed out until 1 year from now. Your spouse will have to shop for you while you fatten up your milk supply. Plus, you'll want to have a 'milk bank', so between feedings I want you to pump more milk for future use. By the way, don't eat any fiber-producing veggies, dairy, wheat or sugar. They hurt milk supply and flavor."
Emily: "Lands... how in the name of lactation am I supposed to survive on that diet?"
Advisor: "Now, now... it's all about milk supply. And remember not to be stressed, dear. You need to rest."
8 comments:
You're so funny & creative! In case you're serious about the milk-supply boosting suggestions...try oatmeal, rootbeer, and Mother's Milk tea. They worked WONDERS for me when I was nursing! And www.kellymom.com is an amazing resource!! I relied on it for the first couple months of nursing. Hope that helps!
Jenny (:
That's hilarious. I had a heck of a time nursing Katie, and thought many times I could cry with comments the lactation consultant told me. Nursing is definitely not an easy thing. Hang in there!
i read your post while hand expressing milk from my left breast-which i have been doing three times a day for the past 8 weeks!oh what we do for these little sweet creatures. my advice is to buy some formula and take some pressure off of yourself. josiah loves his "mommy mix" and now i actually can leave him sometimes! you have inspied me to write my own milk post! look for it soon. C
Use a breast pump whenever you can. (between baby feeding) for a couple of weeks. It will stimulate in a deeper way and then will come.
Use a breast pump whenever you can. (between baby feeding) for a couple of weeks. It will stimulate in a deeper way and then will come.
I was told to make sure you drink a gallon of water every day.
I think you just need to stand on your head while drinking apple juice laced with honey and asparagus.
Seriously though you give me so much hope that I'll be able to feed out next child!
Oh I remember those days too well. Keep it up, though - I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job with that little one!
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