Here's the Seinfeldian-like dirt on my thought life in the grocery store on the most holy of food-buying days: Saturday.
The Rascal Situation:
To pass or not to pass the disabled person who keeps stopping and starting at random intervals, thus causing traffic buildup.
I'm thinking: "Okay, here I go... I'm easing slowly past her and... D'oh! She zoomed ahead. Okay, she's stopped. I'll try again... easing, easing... Oh, for the love of Pete, lady... let me by!"
What I really said: "Pardon me, could I squeeze by?" accompanied by friendly smile, albeit forced.
The Driving Situation
I'm driving my cart at a steady pace down a main aisle and nearly miss being broadsided by thirty-something gentleman who is trying to race around the store to get in and out as fast as he can.
What I'm Thinking: "You don't come around here often, do you? It's Saturday. It's busy. Get used to it."
What I Do: Smile pleasantly and stop for exaggerated period of time to emphasize how fast he was going. He doesn't notice.
The Seemingly Abandoned Cart Sitting in the Middle of the Aisle So No One Can Pass Without Moving It
What I'm thinking: "It's like driving... you drive on the right on the road... do likewise in the grocery store."
What I Do: I move the cart slowly. I'm tempted to relocate it to another aisle.
The Rude Dude
You know the one. You're clearly looking at the cereal aisle and someone parks their cart directly in front of your gazing face.
What I Do: "Oh hey, could I squeeze by? I'm looking at that cereal."
The Indecisive One
They can't decide between Vanilla Bean or Plain Vanilla Ice Cream. They stand in front of the freezer door for 5 minutes in an act of territorialism.
What I Do: The great fake out. I pretend like I was looking at something else. It makes them choose more quickly. If they know someone is waiting, they'll pretend to take longer. This strategy works 90% of the time. They see that I want something else, quickly decide what they want and I swoop in for the cream. If they keep squatting, I ask if I can butt in.
So there you have it, my dirty little grocery store secrets. And these aren't even Costco tactics. That's another animal. :)
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3 comments:
This is one for the books, sister! You hit it right on the head!
K
Seriously, that was a funny one. Oh how your thoughts have been mine too sister! I'm just surprised they haven't yet come up with road rage for the grocery store.
Unless the Indecisive One is also the Rude Dude. I'll...I mean, he'll only take longer to make the decision.
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