Thoughts on Motherhood

For some reason I have attributed efficiency as a good trait to have in life. Do something quickly and well. That's my aim. But today I finally realized that efficiency is not the point of motherhood. In fact, it is the opposite of motherhood. If one wants to truly love their child, a good deal of efficiency will have to be tabled a great deal of the time.

Take this morning: Morgan and I were getting ready to go to the grocery store. But today Morgan had a touch of the grumpies. No, scratch that. She was VERY whiny. All morning. Nearly every request was accompanied by faux tears and a dramatic production. Assessing that my compadré would probably not be game for many errands this day, I quickly mind-dumped all but one: the grocery store... arguably the most boring errand a young child would desire to make. But it was necessary. We like to eat, after all.

After I informed my little friend of our day's outing, she quickly fell into a tearful panic because I did not give her a "horsey ride" down the stairs. She was heartbroken. The broken heart turned into a full blown tantrum and, somehow, deafness, which lasted the majority of the afternoon. After a good half hour of discipline (time out, talking, time out, talking, etc.) we were good to go.

When we arrived home, we watered my backyard flowers. There are 4 plants and one of them is a sedum which thrives on neglect. At least I know that this one won't die. It also very much dislikes too much water or fertilizing, so I generally let the rain take care of it. I informed Morgan that she may water all plants but that one. As fate would have it (fate being Morgan in this case), that was the plant she REALLY wanted to water. Of course. Which she promptly did behind my back after she watered an already thriving dandelion in our back lawn.

I decided to choose my battles and let that one go. I wooed Morgan away with some juicy summer watermelon, a favorite of hers. Morgan and I used a baller to scoop out the insides of our watermelon. She was thrilled. We were on the up and up. And then she determined that she didn't like one piece and started spitting pieces of the fruit in the fresh bowl of cut watermelon. Immediate dismissal and nap ensued.

I'm not trying to paint my daughter in a bad light. It's rather humorous to see a three year old play mind games with her mother, no? But after this morning's escapades, I thought about what my purpose in life was as far as being a stay at home mother. It isn't to feed her gourmet food, yet she does need to eat. It isn't to dress her up like a doll, yet she needs clothes. And while organization is important (bills must be paid after all!) that isn't all important in raising Morgan. I'm trying to slow my life down, scrap a few "needs" I think I have and meet her where she is.

Meanwhile, all you stay-at-home moms out there, I'm all ears for ways in which you have found ways to connect with your child(ren). Years from now, I'll probably still have dandelions, but my 3 year old friend will be a little older and hopefully, a lot closer to me. Hopefully.

Now if you'll excuse me, this horsey needs to take a little nap herself.