Knock knock

Today I'm taking a page out of my husband's take on blogs: rant sessions.

I'm going to select the topic of solicitation because 1) We've had beaucoup solicitors lately and 2) Dan said he was going to write about it today and he bailed. Bad, Dan, bad.



Since moving to our new abode, we've enjoyed all the delights of the 2.5 childrened, minivan-plagued suburbs. We enjoy the local parks, the homeowner's association and the occasional ice cream truck. We have NOT enjoyed the rise in door-to-door solicitors.

I'm sure we've all enjoyed our fair share of Girl Scout cookies, purchased from doe-eyed youth looking pleadingly into our eyes and then at our purses. Eyes, then purse. Eyes, then purse. We're bound to buy them. Somehow their gaze magically transports our funds into their dough. (Sorry, the pun just came; couldn't stop it.) Every autumn there is a nationwide Pavlovian response to salivate when we hear the words "Thin Mints". We can't help ourselves; we're conditioned. And these youngins are doing pretty well, folks. They even have a website devotedly entirely to their COOKIES.

So am I an old fogey or does $20 for a coupon book from a local school sound rather high? Sorry, but buying 5 pizzas to get your 6th one half off is NOT a deal. That is not a coupon book. That is an uncoupon book.

On Sunday a charming young man from Boy Scouts asked us if we wanted to buy tickets to a pancake breakfast. That idea was just mediocre. Sorry, you can't sell me on pancakes. I like pancakes as much as the next guy, but I like to eat them quietly on Saturday mornings with my family. No need to invite others to this gooey carb fest.

Now, lest I sound completely heartless, let me explain the core of my complaint: Give us something we can use for a fair price. It's really that simple.

Here, I have an example. If Boy scouts want to raise funds, sell bulk Halloween candy to neighbors. Go to Mars corporate office, strike up a bulk discount for yourselves and resell it. Do this for a few years and once the community saves their Halloween shekels for Boy Scouts, you've got a monopoly on the market. What's more: neighbors will be GLAD that you're knocking on their door. Glad, not sad. Glad.

Okay, enough ranting. Remember, little solicitors, I'm on your side. I want you to raise funds. I do. But have your coaches, leaders and parents give us something that will cause our door to open wide.