Church Picnic

Tomorrow is our annual Church Picnic. And while this yearly tradition of gorge would seem to be a relatively easy going, family-style affair, there are rules. The rules are never, ever stated. They are learned by years of attendance. If you follow the blue hairs, they know best. But so far, I have picked up the following:

1. The more homemade looking, the better.

At one of my first picnic attendances, I brought a couscous dish which I elegantly displayed in my mahogany-stained wood Crate & Barrel bowl. It was perfect. 

Hardly anyone ate it. 

It looked "too". I took note that the dishes which came in old tupperware or "seasoned" pots were the first to go. I never made that mistake again.

2. Casseroles prevail. So does Cream of Mushroom soup.

This really doesn't need explaining. It's just the way it's done.

3. "Happen" to have a copy of the recipe you brought with you. 

If you're bringing a "cry-for-your-momma" recipe (and who doesn't?), be prepared to share said recipe. This is not a time for artsy-fartsy "I'm-sorry-but-it's-a-family-recipe-and-we-don't-share-it". Oh no. When you bring it to Church Picnic, it's as good as sharing with family. So save yourself the time and bring a copy. Besides, most of the older women who want it don't have email... a hard copy is best. 

4. Write your name on everything you bring.

Sharpie. Masking tape. It's that easy. Or else it will end up in the Perpetually Lost & Never Found box at church.

5. Try a little bit of everything.

That Italian dish in front strikes your fancy, but take into account the spread ahead of you. Twenty dishes of casserole? Better make room on that plate.

6. Get in line first, before that marshmallow crusted vegetable dish gets eaten up.

Seriously. Anything with sweets on top of veggies just goes fast. 

7. If you don't like something, spread it around on your plate.

Don't want to hurt feelings now, do we?

8. If you want to appear healthy, but REALLY REALLY want to try aforementioned marshmallow crusted vegetable dish, simply put some on your child's plate, your spouses plate, or a friend's plate.  

That's why you brought them in the first place, right?

9. Leave room for dessert.

You will see wisdom in this. I promise.

10. This is not a time for Weight Watchers. Sorry.

I don't mean to be rude, but just stay home if you're going to count points and put teaspoon-sized servings of casserole on your Chinette. In essence, the Church Picnic begins the stomach stretching exercise which will lead you all the way to Thanksgiving. Let the face-stuffing begin.